Finding The Path: An Essay

The Sword...

The Sword…

There are so many variables that dictate the outcome of life. There are empty beds, headaches, and lost wages that we take like a pinch, just to know that they are real. There is the everyday pain-and-suffering, the cause onto which we exist – and all those questions that we ask when we know that we already have the answers. There is no medium – only a plane on which we live – and we cannot be too far to the left or too far to the right, so that we can exist.

In either position, it is within our hearts and minds that we must try to understand, to live, and to share what we have learned. For it is beauty that lies in the eye of the beholder; it is sense that we so desire, like respect, to be lost, only to find that we were sleeping. For it is with strangers that we learn our weakness, and in neighbors that we see our strength. With male and female we fail, and know our differences. There is no greater love than love itself. But to know that – to feel that – to exist within it, is not familiar, but estranged.

We cannot express what we desire. We speak what we want and don’t mean what we say. It is those situations that we make it through by the bare skin of our teeth. I cannot remove myself from a feeling – a wish. I had a situation I wish I didn’t, and an existence in which I have no control of. They say that the shortest distance between two points is intention. I say, that it is what is between points A and B -everything else, if it exists, is in between – just something like Atoms, that we can only guess and formulate about. Postulates, theorems they are mere guesstimates; things accepted until we are proven; all wrong. As I said, I try to postulate right and wrong, black and white, neighbor or stranger, and I rise to the same conclusion; existentialism. There it is again, that we can become all those things that we dream of, and can be or cannot be, if it is again. Within the eye of the beholder so much like what we understand as beauty and self.

I believe chief Joseph said. “I will fight no more, forever.” There are at least two views within these words; those of the coward and of those of the strong. It is within the strong that we find our own weakness, and is in those we see as weak do we find our own strength. Two factors are one. We can relate. We do not want to be characterized as such. So I ask you, where will we lay our head and rest? Is it on a comfy pillow or on cement that was just poured?

And I regret not that is stamped into pavement. Look not what past I have done. And those irreplaceable instances, I cannot make time embrace situations that I know I could change. It is not of my heart but my eye which conceives of the future. I cannot predict the smell that encompasses an enemy. It is the wake of my thoughts, the strut of my walk, and the residence of my words that make it sound.

There again, is no greater quote than that of an elder. At last we seek for approval; like possession is only two thirds of the law, it has to be an inhibition, a sequencing to which we follow a path. And leading –is the thing that is talked about in phrases. Following is what we do in stories and dreams. I once dreamt of a leader and a cause. But only when I awoke, did I find followers and reason.

If it is said within the text how one must be – then religion has won and every other thing is rhetoric. It is with teary eyes that men tell the truth. And in breaking homes and broken women that reflect it. There are no truths and no liars that make up a jigsaw puzzle – only pieces that re-create a picture that was destroyed and defaced. We put those pieces together.

It is only in falling that we notice the ground. Only in losing that we recall our wins. It is within flying that we share the earth and in dying that we understand heaven. There is no greater love again, than that spoken, but we who feel that sense of being. Intention. It’s what it’s between points A and B…

JSMatthew~

The Diamond: A Short Story

The Diamond

One time, I told a story. It started on a long journey where I had met a woman. I was a little afraid to walk up to her but I did. She was resilient, and so I walked, and walked, and walked. I swam in the ocean and walked on the streets. Then I walked into the woods and I was introduced to the forest.

The forest was deep and lush. It got deeper as I walked. The nights were dark and I had to make fire, just to know myself. As I sat on a log (it was mossy, that is how I knew my direction). I was approached by a being; He, she, it offered me a stone.

I took the stone and walked some more. Then I had to stop and rest. As I sat on a log by the fire. I dropped the stone. I search for it and when I finally found it, it was broken. I peeled away the layers of rock and found the largest, most beautiful diamond that I had ever seen in my life. So I put it in my pocket, and eventually I made it out of the forest and back into the woods…

 

While I was in the woods, I got lost in a glass maze. I went left and right and even though I could see the exit, I could not find my way out. Then I remembered the diamond. I took it out of my pocket and as I stared at its beauty and size, I realized that it was the balance between life and death.

So I used it like a shovel. I dug and dug and as I cut through the many layers of glass, I realized that the diamond became smaller. As it became smaller, I realized that it shined even brighter. In its smallness, it was grand. When I got out of the maze, I was so glad. I lit a fire and rejoiced. Eventually, I got out of the woods and I ran into a friend…

We sat in the village for a while and we lit a fire. My friend was talking of some business that he had to go on a journey. He told me that I possessed something that was of great importance to him for his journey, and that he needed it to ensure his safety. Aside of my mind and my shoes, I figured that it must be my diamond; my beautiful rock.

And so, after a long talk and a hot fire, I decided that at this time, my friend needed the diamond more than I did. I would have plenty of time for that some other time. And so I offered it to him with the promise of its safe return. And so a year went by; then another, and another. It was two years into a second decade that I saw my friend again. I recognized him at once. Although we were older and we had many stories and shoes to fill, we were the same. And so we lit a fire.

My friend told me that he went on a great journey. He had just returned and came to see me immediately. He told me that even though time seemed not to pass, he ran into the woods. As he walked, he got lost. He slept for a time that he could not keep track of. When he woke up, he realized that he was lost, deep, deep, in the woods.

And so he sat upon a log (it was mossy, so that he knew which way he should walk) and he lit a fire. Then, as he slept, he had a dream. He dreamed that a being; he, she, it, came up to him and asked for a stone. It was a stone that was sacred and passed to those who were lucky to get lost in the forest. He said that he indeed had the stone, but it was not his to give. After a series of unfortunate events, the man woke up and the stone was gone. The fire was out and my friend was still tired. He then slept for a long, long time.

When he woke up enough to realize what had really happened, he searched for the diamond. To his dismay, he found that it was nowhere to be found. He searched the ground, under leaves, and turning up stones. But yet, there was no trace of the stone.

And so we sat in front of the fire on a mossy log. And we exchanged stories. Stories of good times, and times of loss. And just as I was about to get up for the night, a stranger; he, she, it, came up to me. I looked around for my friend but he was no longer in sight. I was lost in the woods, deep in the forest. And then I realized that I was asleep.

When I woke up, I was still tired, and so I slept some more. When I finally awoke, I lit a fire as I sat on the mossy log for that way I knew which direction was north. Just as I started walking, I kicked up a rock and it crashed into a tree. When I checked it out, I realized that it was the rock – the stone – the diamond I had begun the story with.

As I glanced at its simplicity, I realize how small and beautiful it truly was. At that point I was glad that I had the one tool that could cut me out of the glass maze that I had been trapped in for two days more than two decades, so that I could meet my old friend again.

Short Poem: “Simple”

Simple

My only need is simplicity

Don’t need your cars

Don’t like your cities

My misery- this place has left me

Un-sacred hallow

Derails my thoughts

The core shall come out

From within

That’s what frees you in the end.

I try…

I try and nothing’s left behind.

Your evil eye stares through the hourglass

Drop…drop…drop…

See me in the looking glass

Hours pass by

And still I try

To pass them by

And they defy

Since they don’t fly

And nothing is left behind…

Poetry Series: The Vower

This was a poem I wrote about my ex-girlfriend who died in a car accident 2 years after we broke up. I didn’t get to properly mourn her death because I was with a very jealous woman at the time (yea, jealous of a dead girl! Imagine that!) I penned these words when I finally got to terms with her passing. For the record, I am happily married to my beautiful wife but this is what I was feeling all those years ago…

The Vower: A Short Poem

While you’re up there

I miss you here

 

I long your kiss

Is it me that you miss?

 

Our place we share

I will not dare

 

To disturb the ground

For by love I am bound.

 

To hold and tell

Fate’s deepest well,

 

And now I state

I’ll drink in fate

 

And full I am

Of you and kin,

My smile falls

Upon my chin.

 

I can not wait

Until the time,

That you in full,

Attuned as mine.

 

I share my love,

With you, Devine

In contract with

The great grape-vine.

 

Contrast, should we

Upon the world

And you’re my one,

Perfect girl.

 

For you I love,

And love, I do

I only wish

To be with you.

 

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